Dying Is an Art and We Can Practice It
There are words that only touch us when we dare to fall still. Like the word dying.
A word often whispered in our culture, with tense shoulders and a face turned away in discomfort.
And yet, dying – just like birth – is a profound part of life. An exhalation and… a new beginning.
With my (still) tender years, death no longer frightens me. Not because I know how it will happen – no one does – but because I know it’s not an end, it’s a transition. Through my journeys with ayahuasca ceremonies and psilocybin sessions, I have died countless times: to my ideas, my persona, and the illusion of control. I have also relived the deaths of family members, and I have met my own soul several times in past lives. Sometimes there was still something left to process. A final fragment to complete the circle.
And every time, again and again, it was a beautiful experience. Each time, I returned with a broader awareness. And with more reverence, wonder, and softening toward the mystical, exquisitely orchestrated life that nature provides.
This blog was written to soften the fear of death by breathing more life into it ;). Let it be an invitation to experience Life in the Now even more fully. These insights are rooted in my work with Leela Processing Therapy and guided ayahuasca ceremonies in the Netherlands. Settings where, often through grief and loss, we rediscover ourselves.
The Fear of Death and of Life
Many people think they are afraid of death. But when you look deeper, there is often an even greater fear: the fear of truly living. Because living asks for surrender. It asks us to feel. Living also asks that we die to everything we think we have to be. It invites us to experiment and to become comfortable with “I don’t know right now.”
And that is scary. Because the ego does not like dying. It wants to survive, to control, to stay safe, and to be seen.
Yet it is precisely in that dying – in letting go of something old – that we truly begin to live.
That’s also why people often say after an ayahuasca ceremony: “I’ve been reborn.” They dared to let go of something they had been clinging to their whole life. Or they were able to relive the death of, for example, a grandparent or mother, both physically and symbolically.
These experiences are often accompanied by loving conversations that could not take place in physical life because there were walls of shame, guilt, or grief in between. Through these experiences, people realize that dying is not the end, but a transition back to unity.
Seeing Dying as a Process Rather Than an End
When we speak of dying, we often think of that one moment: the stilling of the heart, a chill, the last breath or gaze.
But dying is a process. Just as the stages from conception to birth have their own phases, dying too has its layers:
Everyday life
Where we prefer not to think about it (until the moment you’re reading this…).The realization: you are dying
Accompanied by fear, grief, resistance, acceptance, and peace.The act of dying
A climax, a moment in which you release your body and your persona.Life (awakening) after death
A transition from a soul in a physical body to a state of consciousness – accompanied by confusion and struggle, or by the bliss of enlightenment and peace.
Dying is like crossing a river. The raft – our body – is left behind once we have crossed.
The more aware we become of our humanity, with all the phases that have been and are yet to come, the more relaxed and peaceful the endpoint of a new beginning can be.
Dying in Peace Is the Orgasm of Life
What if dying is not something that happens to you, but something you can practice? Perhaps your ego perks up at the thought: “Yahoo, I have control.”
But what if it’s possible to live in such a way that, when your eyes close for the last time, you can go in peace and acceptance?
Allowing this surrender asks something of us. It asks us to clean our inner house. To acknowledge and process old pain, to feel unfinished grief, and to take responsibility for our lives. In other words: it asks us to restore our connection to ourselves in the here and now. This is the inner work. Because what you are experiencing now is what you will carry into the moment when you decide: “ Until we meet again, my dearest.”
People who die in peace often have one thing in common: they have not avoided their lives. They have lived, felt, grieved, and loved. They have embraced their humanity with all its cracks and scars, returning to the light within themselves. (See the books and work of psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross.)
Ayahuasca Ceremonies as Preparation for Dying
In ayahuasca ceremonies, you die a thousand deaths. Not literally, but energetically. You die to your ego. To your story. To a concept. To who you thought you had to be. And in that dying, you discover something no one can take away from you: your true essence.
That’s why so many participants say after a ceremony: “I’m no longer afraid of death.” They now know how it feels to let go of everything and still continue to exist. They stand more firmly. They have touched the source within themselves, the infinite.
Attending a well-guided ayahuasca ceremony offers a valuable training ground for letting go of control. Because in this way, you get to know life and yourself more deeply. Ayahuasca teaches you that dying is not an end. You only let go of your body, the vehicle for this lifetime.
The soul has no deadline. There will be a new beginning, carrying a bag full of potential and talents. And this experience takes the pressure off for many people. Perhaps you even feel a deep sigh… It doesn’t all have to be finished – whatever “it” is.
Ayahuasca shows you that the soul longs only for wholeness. It brings you to the insight that healing is both a personal and collective journey. Working on yourself means working on a healthier world.
The Importance of Our Dream World
When we sleep, we can dream.
An intriguing place, because here the inner controller has no say. Here we enter another world – our dream world – where the soul speaks to us. Not in words, but in images.
Dream analysis can be valuable because dreams offer a direct gateway to the subconscious. A place where unprocessed experiences, emotions, and beliefs are stored. The symbols, events, and emotions in dreams are often disguised representations of inner processes, desires, or wounds.
We carry our dream world with us into death. Many ancient traditions, such as The Tibetan Book of the Dead, describe this process in detail.
By paying more attention to our dreams, we also practice recognizing symbols, holding less tightly to rational thinking. Becoming familiar with this other form of language, symbols and images, is useful. Because this is the language you take with you through the tunnel of death.
This dream language also flows through ayahuasca journeys. People who have experienced multiple ayahuasca ceremonies often notice their dreams revisiting them, or passing by during the journey.
In both plant ceremonies and Leela Therapy, many forms of symbols come to us:
Animals, such as dolphins, hummingbirds, snakes, owls, jaguars, eagles, or bears
Angels, archetypes, or ancient worlds
Deceased masters (from the Buddha and Jesus to Einstein or Osho)
They are guides bringing you something of value.
Rebirth: One Must Die to Be Born Again
It may sound heavy, but it holds a deep truth. Rebirth is not an esoteric concept. It’s a natural transition in the Circle of Life.
The more aware we become of ourselves, the more natural the transition becomes when you leave your physical body and once again choose to experience life through a new incarnation, the conception.
What always brings me inner peace is knowing that we carry the quality of our life into our death, and into our next life. Every lesson we learn now, every bit of awareness we gain, softens the transition that awaits us all.
Do things happen to us? Yes, of course. Do we have control over them? No.
That’s why it’s so important to live now. Not to postpone, avoid, or sweep under the rug. But to breathe, to feel, to open. More of you. With falls and rises.
How? By not postponing that important conversation with a loved one. By finally pursuing that creative dream. By facing the fear or emptiness you’ve been circling around for years.
Preparing for Death Through Inner Work and Surrender
You might be thinking: “How do I prepare for dying? Do you have a checklist?”
The invitation for you and for myself is: stop trying to control everything, and be present. Do deeper self-inquiry and get to know yourself. A daily practice.
Self-inquiry can happen through, for example, Leela Therapy or psychedelic plant ceremonies. Heal old wounds, learn to dream, and make space for grief, love, and wonder.
Just as nature prepares for seasonal transitions, we can prepare for death. Not with the pressure of “another task to add,” but through the practice of surrendering to yourself and to life.
When you can truly see dying as part of living, you live more intensely, more wisely, and more joyfully.
The Privilege of Our Life Situation
We are not currently in a war zone, and we generally do not face direct life-threatening circumstances.
We do face our internal battles. “Here comes the lonely knight, I can’t escape my mind” (from a song by Moby and Mark Lanegan).
In the privileged position we live in now, we are richly given the chance to explore ourselves and truly get to know ourselves from a place of safety. In silence, in truth, in a ceremonial or other setting that feels safe to unfold in.
An ayahuasca ceremony or other forms of inner work is never too late, not even for seniors.
The plant spirits offer you the chance to feel through the loose ends of life and to see them in a new light. The bitter edges of hardening or shame are transformed in ceremony into love and acceptance.
An Invitation to Your Own Inner Journey
I hope this blog opens the door to your own unique exploration – the journey through your inner landscape with wonder and an open, playful heart.
If you are interested in deeper self-inquiry through psychedelic plant ceremonies or Leela Therapy, read more about my work here or contact me to explore what might be right for you.
Warm regards,
Carlijn
Psychedelic Process Facilitator
& Leela Therapist
