How does grieving work?
How does grieving work for the loss of someone through death, but also the loss through grieving a divorce?
The stages of grief occur both during a (long) illness and afterward, once someone has passed away. These stages of grief apply to both the dying person and their loved ones.
In our society, there are less opportunities to share our loss. Grief and loss usually do not receive the attention they deserve in our Western society. One is expected to just get over it. Well, after 6 months of isolation, loneliness, anger, sadness, and feelings of guilt, it’s time to move on with the daily routine of life.
But eventually, we learn that moving on – without sitting through the grieving process – costs an enormous amount of energy to keep the story untold and held inside. Not talking eats away at us from the inside. With both emotional and physical consequences. When we tell a good friend that we are fine, we can feel miserable afterward. Telling our story is a primal need and not telling it feels unnatural. How we deal with grief is very personal for everyone.
As early as the 1970s, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross described grief as a process in 5 stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
Kübler-Ross was a Swiss-American psychiatrist and a pioneer in the field of palliative care. She became famous for her groundbreaking work and research on the psychological processes people go through when confronted with their own death. She is remembered as a trailblazer who paved the way for more humane and empathetic care for people in their final stages of life.
The stages of grief are something every person has to go through in their own time. One day, when life in this body stops for us and/or when loved ones experience the death of a beloved, the 5 stages; denial – anger – bargaining – depression – and acceptance pass by us alternately. They can occur in any order and overlap in various ways. It is important to realize that there is no order in the stages of grief. There is a major misconception that Kübler-Ross saw these stages as linear. They are not, as she repeatedly shared.
The book On Grief and Grieving is an incredibly beautiful and insightful book to read. Whether it is to better understand someone in your environment who is currently dealing with this, or to better understand yourself in relation to your feelings. Regardless of whether or not, you are in a process of grieving, it is extremely educational.
The 5 Stages of Grief in Brief
Denial
“It didn’t happen, it’s a dream, he/she will be back soon from work or grocery shopping,” etc. It is a natural defense mechanism that gives you time to process the reality. In this stage, you might avoid the situation, pretend nothing is wrong, refuse to talk about it, or minimize the intensity of the event.
Anger
Uncertainty and deep pain manifest as anger when the reality sets in. It is deep frustration expressed through anger. The anger can be directed at others: doctors, nurses, the mother or father, etc. You feel a deep sense of injustice and want to place the blame elsewhere. Anger can be triggered by the smallest irritations and can provoke intense reactions. It can also lead to bitterness and resentment. Anger might also be directed inward, leading to self-blame and hardening of emotions. Anger is a healthy and necessary phase. It channels intense emotions and provides an outlet, helping you move forward in the grieving process.
Bargaining
The bargaining phase is an attempt to alleviate the pain of loss by seeking ways to change the outcome. This temporarily provides a sense of hope and control. People hope for recovery and a different outcome. These are attempts by the grieving person to undo or avoid the loss through negotiations or agreements. Examples include:
- Fantasizing: “What if” and “if only” scenarios, imagining how things might have been different if certain circumstances had been different.
- Promises: Making promises to God or a higher power in exchange for a positive outcome (e.g., healing of a loved one or reversal of the loss).
- Internal bargaining: “If I never do this again, then…,” “I will never again…,” or “I will behave differently if…”.
Depression
When the realization that the loss is inevitable and final sets in, the depression phase can begin. This is accompanied by isolation, deep sadness, emptiness, and helplessness. There may be a need to repeatedly express grief. The story wants to be told endlessly. Undergoing depression also provides an opportunity for self-reflection, which can be positive. The person can think deeply in silence about shaping their life and how it has changed, how they have changed.
Clinical depression is different. The depression phase from grief is a response to a specific loss.
Acceptance
The truth can be difficult to accept, but eventually, the loss can take on a natural form. It’s a phase of resignation and peace, where the grieving person no longer fights against the reality of the loss. The person reconnects with life and themselves. There is emotional stability, restructuring of life, and the memories of the person who is no longer present become pleasant and soft without tormenting pain. There is a healthy outlook on the future, and new relationships are formed. The loss is integrated and processed.
Other losses back to the surface
You don’t necessarily grieve just one loss; the sorrow can bring up other losses you may not have processed yet. It might even touch on a loss from 20 years ago that still demands your attention. In short, grieving is healthy and necessary, even when it feels contradictory and too bizarre for words. This applies even if it’s for a father you never knew or who abandoned or abused you, or for a mother who left you. Suddenly they have passed away, and you feel deep heartache. Grieving means feeling, especially the most challenging emotions.
Sometimes, a closed book is far from closed. It often opens without warning and comes when there is space for it, often when you have hit rock bottom. Beyond the grief lies a gift: forgiveness, along with new doors that open.
Grief Processing with Psychedelic Sessions
The well-known 5 stages of grief also appear in plant processes like; psilohuasca, ayahuasca, and psilocybin sessions. Not necessarily all five, but certainly several. You are processing—you are completing what is unresolved—and you realize that all emotions have an equal right to exist, none excluded.
During psychedelic Plant Spirit Processes (also known as plant teachers), a safe space is created for processing loss. You allow your pain body (as beautifully described by Eckhart Tolle) to open and enduring various emotions, something you haven’t done for a long time or couldn’t do at the time.
You were unconscious, too young or in shock in that moment. You were not capable of staying present, and one of the instinctive reactions—fight, flight, or freeze—took over as a protective reaction.
We live in a society where for centuries, emotions have been suppressed and not allowed the space they need (and unfortunately still aren’t). For example, anger is often labeled as aggression and is deemed inappropriate, and depression is not tolerated for long. Understand that depression from loss is healthy for a period. It’s necessary and part of grieving.
Psychedelic Plant Spirit Processes support you with healing all layers of our physical and emotional bodies, from traumatic experiences to processing loss. During the ceremonial processes, accompanied by specialized guidance, you gain beautiful and important insights and answers from the core wound. That is why it is so important to feel everything that IS, not just what you want to feel.
The result of surrendering to yourself brings gifts: discovering your own strength, talents, and pursuing desires. As a human being, you are creative with infinite possibilities, but creativity only flows when all channels are clean and remain so.
Finally; the process of dying is a fearful topic for many, touching on something everyone feels: death, the transition with many question marks. People rather prefer to stay away from that.
This form of resistance can be reflected in Woody Allen’s words, speaking for the majority of humanity: “I’m not afraid of dying, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”
Realize that by looking away and not wanting to grieve, we do a disservice to this honest process that everyone deserves in their own way and time. It is ultimately a completion, a beautiful bow on a life. Whether it’s about one’s own deathbed or grieving as a survivor and loved one.
Understanding someones suffering is the best gift you can give another person. Understanding is love’s other name. If. You don’t understand, you can’t love. – Thich Nhat Hanh
Would you like to recieve more in formation about what a psychedelic plant spirit process can mean for you? Read more information on this site or send an email to info@revermannshares.nl. A free introduction call will be scheduled.
Warms,
Carlijn
