Plant Spirit Process
A restless body & a strong safety guard
Desiree (mid-30s)
I’m healthy, have a free life as a self-employed creative, and a lovely social network. Basically, a luxurious, ‘carefree’ life.
And yet, I’m always on guard. Something in me is constantly alert.
I come from a family where violence and suicide cast shadows across generations. Grandmothers, fathers, uncles, great-grandfathers. That makes me question things.
And somewhere deep inside lives the question: who am I really? What’s holding me back from being fully myself?
Then came my first plant ceremony. What I felt there was overwhelming. Love. A deep, all-encompassing love. The tears flowed. I felt carried by the plants. Something in me knew: I’ve missed this for so long. Home.
But then… fear crept into my body. Fragments of images, feelings of disgust, darkness. Sexual abuse…? Was it mine? Maybe not, maybe it was. Oh, there is so much abuse happening. Those were the thoughts that arose.
And still: that rage in my body! Toward my father, my stepmother. The upbringing that felt anything but safe. Walking on eggshells as a young girl, exhausting, full of stress.
It was too much to allow all at once in that first plant ceremony, but at the same time I also felt a strong energy. ‘This rage is coming from somewhere. I want to know.’
The second ceremony brought up more. After the group conversation, things clicked. My body doesn’t lie. Only my mind gets confused. But I know this. It’s something I’ve done my whole life.
In this ceremony, I felt how tired my body was, as if I were dying. And suddenly I realized: this is my grandmother’s death. Her energy moved through me. And in that experience, I found love and reverence. It was a deeply beautiful experience, as if our souls danced together. Talking without words.
I realized: this is not only my healing, but also for my lineage.
The plants called in the universe, and I felt an ancient power rising in me. One that said: bring it on. Show me. Not from a rebellious place, but from dignity, with an open heart.
I connected with my inner child. I could hold her and nurture her deeply. Finally say: sweet girl, what you went through was intense. But now we’re together.
There’s still much to heal. I feel my childhood holds more than I can currently allow. But this is an entry, a door I’ve been searching for over forty years. I now understand what trauma processing means.
And yes, this is also a path to cleanse my body and become more aware of who I essentially am as a woman. Oh, and I want to buy a guitar and sing again! Love, Desiree
Plant Spirit Process
Birth trauma: I was left behind
Henk (60+, retired)
To feel so weak? Literally no strength left to do anything. That was an experience I had never had before.
Everything in me was tired and I felt powerless. No energy. And me, the one who was always the strong rescuer. Always able to carry myself. Always the one who kept going without asking for help.
After the ceremony, while the process was still unfolding, I leaned on Carlijn. I couldn’t help it. My body wanted to rest, to feel safe. And she stayed with me, along with the other facilitators. They were just there, as if it cost them no energy at all. As if they needed nothing from me.
A conversation about random things filled the space. I could listen, laugh here and there, and then feel incredibly small and dependent again. And mostly tired, exhausted.
A cup of tea was brought. A washcloth and sometimes a warm hand between my shoulder blades. I lay with them, they were there for me.
Meanwhile, the sandwiches were richly topped, fruit platters passed by and life was lived. But I was being watched over… I wasn’t abandoned. I belonged, and I felt loved.
The next day, the experience became clear. I suddenly understood why I, still to this day, feel deeply emotional when I hear a baby cry and see no mother. Tears immediately well up.
But now I understand that my first days on earth are being triggered. I had just been born. And I was left alone for four full days. That’s how it went back then. “Let them cry, they’ll stop eventually.”
I now understand why I didn’t speak up in life. Why I was so quiet, with that “I’ll do it myself” mentality. Because when I ask, I’m not heard. When I’m vulnerable, there’s no love.
That belief was deeply rooted in my system. From my first four days of life. This memory became tangible through a powerful re-experiencing. My whole system spoke to me.
I always felt there were ‘black holes’ inside me, but I couldn’t reach them. This time I could, and that was so liberating.
It was loving to finally truly understand myself. And most important: I wasn’t rejected. I was actually cared for and loved. And that grew my self-confidence by the minute.
I’ve now entered my senior years, but it truly feels like a new beginning. You’ll be seeing more of me.
Warm regards, Henk
Plant Spirit Process
The toilet visit and the lesson of surrender
Merleen (40+, mother, corporate role)
Surrender, letting go of control… stopping the fight.
It was my most intimate moment on a toilet ever. Too weak to walk alone, I was supported step by step by the team.
Once arrived, the real work began: surrender. To everything that showed up through my body. “Wow, I fight myself so much.” I said it inwardly, again and again; surrender, surrender, surrender.
“Ah, so this is what they meant.” The body speaks. If I want to change, I have to open myself, come out of the tension.
Surrender took on a humble meaning. It was very tender. A soft love towards myself that I hadn’t felt in a long time. The plant spirits brought me there. This was truly a key.
That allowed me to fully allow my deepest feelings in the second ceremony. The somatic exercise beforehand brought me into regression. Which actually surprised me. There I felt deep sadness, tears came along with compassion for the little girl in me who experienced so much verbal and physical violence back then.
I entered the second ceremony with curiosity. Because I held the key! To that one door to myself.
What a gift. I wasn’t alone but carried by something greater. That felt very spiritual.
The fear of the physical violence I had experienced as a child was gone. I wanted to relive it now. And that felt truly transformative. The pain became love. As if an internal wound was healed with a sacred balm. And I even danced! That was an incredible experience, a joy I had missed.
I’m not there yet, and that’s okay. But this therapy with psychedelic plants and bodywork works. I had been looking for this for a long time.
Thanks to your guidance and trust, I was able to transcend my controlling mind. A victory. I will carry the fruits of this in my daily life. And I’ll be back. Love, Merleen
Leela Therapy
My shoulder and the knot in my stomach as an entry
Christiaan (late 20s, teacher. Processing abuse, childhood)
The past ten years I was searching for a missing puzzle piece in my life. It started when I began working on myself. With therapy, breathwork, men’s circles… coaching.
But I couldn’t reach that piece: why I felt so extremely anxious, and why I had excessive people-pleasing behavior.
I also didn’t understand why I was deeply emotional in emotional settings, conversations, films, but with certain family members I completely shut down. I’d be cold and distant.
Talking got me nowhere. I wanted to go deeper.
The Leela sessions brought me into my feelings. As if my head no longer had anything to say. The moment I connected with the Leela session and Carlijn to my inner world, I discovered where the real pain and unsafety had been hiding.
Why I’d had trouble with my right shoulder for years, and why at age eighteen I suddenly developed unexplained symptoms. Which also remained unexplained in the hospital. They said: “There’s nothing wrong, you’re healthy.”
And yet I had a trembling leg, lots of stomach issues and a pressing head.
Through the Leela sessions, I was able to access what happened to me around age four. Abuse by my grandfather. I was allowed to relive it. I could feel it, see it, experience it. I heard what was said to me and that my grandmother was watching. And did nothing, she let it happen.
It was intensely sad but also gave me a huge sense of liberation.
Carlijn was guiding me with a lot of trust during the experience. And also a part of me gave courage to keep feeling and not push it away. At the end of the Leela session, I felt relieved, light, and somehow (strangely) even joyful. I could reconnect with that little boy in me.
I finally have answers. The Leela therapy, followed by deepening and healing through plant ceremonies, has given me freedom. I can trust my feelings again. It gives me space to make different choices in life with more confidence and joy. Until next time. Christiaan
(For privacy reasons, participant names have been changed.)
Are you interested? Has your curiosity been sparked? Feel free to get in touch.
Safety is essential to truly meet yourself and open up. That’s why we always begin with a non-binding conversation to explore whether a Plant Process or perhaps another path fits you.
Warm regards,
Carlijn
